Couldn't ever figure out how to love...

        I like music when music describes me, because I don't know how to describe myself. Cameron has opened new doors for me. It might be because I'm high when I'm with him, but even if that is the only reason, I thoroughly enjoy the life he brings me to. When it's a Kid Cudi life. When it's a Lil' Wayne and Tyler, The Creator kind of life, I don't like it at all... there's so much to tell. He's abnormal, inhuman. Hard to figure out fully. He's me.
       Kid Cudi describes me in the fullest. Go listen to any song of his and you'll know me, if you can listen. Most people just don't get it. Go get high and listen to 'Man on the Moon' and you'll know Caitie and Cameron. You should also listen to Mumford and Sons. When I tell you to listen to this, I mean really listen. Understand.

Anyway,
               Right now I'm feeling like 'How to Love' by Lil' Wayne describes a piece of me. It's an insecure piece that is sick, but still fully willing and able to take the blame for anything that goes wrong in a relationship. Any fight. I have these two sides. One side says, "are you fucking joking, Cait? That was not your fault. Fuck him." and the other side says, "Why did you do that? Why can't you do it right, just this fucking once. Why do you give them reasons to leave you?". This song is a piece of me that Cameron is battling.

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You had a lot of crooks tryna' steal your heart, never really had luck, couldn't never figure out how to love, how to love. You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever, now you in the corner tryna' put it together. How to love, how to love. For a second you were here, why you over there? It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body like you never had a love, never had a love. When you was just a young’un you’re looks were so precious, but now you're grown up, so fly, it's like a blessing. But you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds without you being insecure. You never credit yourself so when you got older, it seems like you came back 10 times over. Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner, looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder. You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions, the fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions. But it wasn’t your fault, wasn't in your intentions. You're the one here talking to me, you don’t wanna listen. But I admire your poppin bottles and dippin’, just as much as you admire bartending and stripping. Baby, so don’t be mad nobody else trippin'. You see a lot of crooks and yeah, the crooks still crook. See I just want you to know that you deserve the best. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, yeah. And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual. Far from the usual.

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